For the past few years, I have been what some might call an active Facebook user. Facebook, however, is not quite as easy as it may seem. It is a way of life. In fact, it's an all-consuming communal networking tool that ensures that you are not able to pay concentration to truly important areas of your life such as family, friends, work, and finances. Who needs those anyway? Am I right? Am I right?
Like most longtime users, I have been straight through most of the typical Facebook phases. Hmmm...actually, I wonder if they beyond doubt are typical? Well, anyway, just in case it is, let this not only be a recollection of my past concentrate of years, but let it serve as a warning to the younger generation. Beware, this could happen to you, too! Here is the whirlwind that I went through.
Baby Lyrics
Facebook User Phases:
Initial Curiosity Phase: What is this new "social networking" site that's all the rage ? Is it safe to use? What does it even do? Eh, whatever. I'll give it a try...but I'm not going to care about it too much. I'm not beyond doubt "into" communal networking. I beyond doubt think it's a bit stupid.
Apprehensive Setup Phase: Hmm..what photo should I post for my profile pic? Oh wait...maybe it's not cool to even post a profile pic at all. Maybe I should just keep myself mysterious? Eh, what the hell. You only live once. So, do I use a photo that I took with my webcam or would that make me look creepy? If I fill out all of my info and interests will I come over as a loser because I'm spending too much time on this? Is it even safe to add my perceive info? Will I be murdered for doing this? Do I even want to be doing this at all? I want my old life back!
Extreme Fascination Phase: Hot damn..this is Amazing! I can't believe my camp friends are all on this! It's been like 25 years! Whoa, my ex-girlfriend gained a ton of weight! Ha! I can't believe I am in communication with my Kindergarten friends. I've only dreamed of this! It's like all the past has become the present! I can resume friendship with every person who ever meant anyone to me! I can send messages, write on walls, post photos, and even take quizzes! Best. Site. Ever!
Daily Status modernize and Commenting Phase: Good morning everyone, here's my witty status update. I wonder if every person knew they were song lyrics. Aren't I funny? This is awesome. What if I just put a period after "is". How awesome would that be?! I got 11 comments today...just on one status update! Best. Day. Ever! I can be in a constant conversation with every person I know. I don't even need to speak to anyone anymore! Wait...is that good? Oh cool, I can even modernize my status using my Blackberry! 24/7, Baby!
Massive Photo Upload Phase: We just came back from our summer vacation. Now, do I post all 63 pics or just a few adopt ones? Hmm..ok, all 63. Hey, why isn't anyone commenting on them? Maybe I didn't do it right. Did they not see them? Ugh..I bet they don't like them! Damn, I should not have worn that dorky Hawaiian shirt. I look ridiculous. Why would I post that? Can I take these down??? someone please help me take these down!!
Realization-of-Excess Phase: Uh...ummm...ok. How did I get 500 friends? Do I even know 500 people? Do 500 population beyond doubt even know me? Did I beyond doubt need to tell Hank the mailman that I use Facebook? I couldn't not accept his friend request! He might do something bad to my mail!Oh man, I just spent the past 3 hours looking at pictures from someone's wedding who I don't even know. Why am I such a stalker? Why has my productivity gone down at work so much?
Ease-off Phase: Ok, this is out of control. I need to get my life in order. My family needs me. I need to keep my job. Breathe. Only 1 status modernize per day....2 at most! Breathe.
Return-to-Normalcy Phase: Ok, phew. See, I don't even modernize my status every day....and I'm still alive! Wonder what my friends are up to though.
Hmmm..now, what's this "Twitter" thing that everyone's talking about these days?
Phasebook Users?
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